Wabbajack's - ONE YEAR NO PMO and starting to masturbate consciously

[zuzaman]

Just read through your journal and found it very motivational, keep it up!

As others have said watch out for the MO as that is how I got back to porn after being clean for more than a year. MO felt amazing (didn't have this feeling since teens) and natural. But  after some weeks it started to get out of hand, then saw accidentally some bikini pictures and... went downhill pretty fast.
Somehow the part when your brain relaxes and says "MO is fine again? Cool!" can really lead to unwanted effects.

Don't want to say you definitely would also go down that way, just being wary. 

So now I'm back again to rewiring my brain and after my first day in my new bachelor, the math class made me go out and buy a few "reward beers", but in the end I was too afraid to drink it and end up doing MO or PMO half-drunk.
So what I'll so with them is the following: give them to friends who'll be happy, and I surely stay clean. Win-win!  ;D

 

[Wabbajack]

Haha, nice idea

I watch out fot triggers, but what triggers me is now somewhat natural. Talking to my female friend about sex or flirting with a hot coworker, stuff like this. Bikini pics don't appeal to me unless they're of someone I know and like, sexually.

I do not worry about returning to PMO, but I can MO with no problems using just my imagination - no porn fantasies though, just girls I know or I slept with.

Anyway, it got totally out of control. And it began from ONE TIME! So be wary, people

 

[Wabbajack]

So far so good.

I found out - again - that I desensitized from artificial visual stimuli almost entirely. Of course when I see a bikini shot or a half-naked girl online, I like it. But it doesn't immediately cause urge to MO or even horniness. Only after a while of watching the imaginations starts working and I feel more horny.

I feel very aroused by flirting, online or in person, with girls. During this I feel that there's a possibility of sex and that drives me.

And makes me scared, too. I feel like this is the exact time to start rewiring to real flesh but I'm scared of failure. I'm certain I could satisfy a girl differently if that happens, but still.

I think that if not for the fear of a fuck up I'd be much more confident when flirting and picking girls up. You know, the feeling that I could go to the very end succesfully.

And how are you?

 

[CrazyFrog357]

And makes me scared, too. I feel like this is the exact time to start rewiring to real flesh but I'm scared of failure. I'm certain I could satisfy a girl differently if that happens, but still.

I think that if not for the fear of a fuck up I'd be much more confident when flirting and picking girls up. You know, the feeling that I could go to the very end succesfully.

Same here man I never had ED, but I've never actually had sex either, so I'm f*cking terrified of going all the way with a girl. I still flirt with girls or go on dates or whatever, but it just never seems to go anywhere. Maybe I'm screwing it up on purpose subconsciously.

 

[Wabbajack]

Dammit. Fucked up again...  :-\ I did not expect Tinder to be so triggering. It's not even about the photos, they're decent. It's this possibility of sex I wrote about previously.

Good thing: absolutely no fantasy this time. There's good in every bad, I guess...

Peace, wish me luck this time 

 

[CrazyFrog357]

Dammit. Fucked up again...  :-\ I did not expect Tinder to be so triggering. It's not even about the photos, they're decent. It's this possibility of sex I wrote about previously.

Good thing: absolutely no fantasy this time. There's good in every bad, I guess...

Peace, wish me luck this time 

If you're focussing on this M thing now, you might want to set up a second counter.
Still man, don't obsess, you're on 148 porn-free days, it's insane.

 

[beyey001]

Hi there,

I'm posting because I'm currently doing my masters of psychology thesis and I'm looking and the influence and impact of pornography on experiences of guilt, shame, life satisfaction, relationships and the acceptance of rape myths and I would LOVE for any of you to complete my survey at the link below.

It is completely ANONYMOUS and takes about 15 minutes. I'm really hoping to shed some light on the porn industry and the factors that increase consumption and the impact this consumption has.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could take some time to fill out a the survey below. Thanks everyone

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/6MQHPKC

 

[Wabbajack]

I set up a new counter, as you suggested, CF Maybe it'll motivate me as the first one did.

Also, this is a special day 150 days off porn! 5 months

Thanks for being here, guys! I wouldn't be here if not for you

 

[Wabbajack]

Yoink!

Hello after quite a break.

I recently came back from my 12 days hitchhike with me brother in Ireland. Fullfilled my dream, had a great time and I'm sure I'll be going back soon.

As for my addiction, there were ups and downs. Currently downs

Not a single MO during the trip despite being flooded with beautiful girls and browsing Tinder while bored. Even got a brief date with beautiful Brasilian girl and got a kiss Also during that kiss I felt some real movement "down there". During the trip the frequency and quality of morning wood went through the ceiling.

It all went south when I got back, Tinder became much more "triggery" because when I got back, it started to remind me of possibility of sex. It was all the time, but in Ireland it was more... distant. So, MO problem came back a fair bit. But I try to limit it as much as I can. I need to come to this site and post more, to stay motivated.

Morning wood still nice, but not as good as while not MO'ing. Good thing: I rarely fantasize while MO, it's the whole idea of sex sets me off.

As for Tinder, I have my first date tomorrow Wish me luck!

PS. Just moved to a new apartment. I live here alone now, my roommate will move in on Sunday. I hope that now, when I really have the place to invite girls over, something will move in my bedroom life. Fingers crossed!
PPS. One week and I'll be porn free for half a year

 

[Wabbajack]

It's nice what difference can living with a flatmate make. For the last two days I barely crave fapping, since he moved in. I just don't have the same level of... I don't know, freedom or personal space to just jerk off and clean myself in the bathroom and fapping got... strange. It's not even that I have to stop myself or force myself not to do it. It's just the craving is much, much smaller when I'm with someone.

The same thing happened when I was in Ireland with my brother. I had plenty occations, like while taking a shower, but just... didn't do anything more than edge a few times in the morning when I had the morning wood.

I was "testing" a few times a penis ring I bought a while ago, yet to be used. I noticed that even with my 100% erection the foreskin tends to slip on the tip sometimes, it makes the condom usage difficult. The ring stops that a bit and I tested it with a condom - not a chance for slipping off. Maybe I'll test with the girl it the next time. Just maybe.

Didn't have sex since that one time with my ex (the former FWB - former because she met someone ) and I miss it a lot, but the anxiety is strong :/

Still, it's more than a half year without porn. If I reconquer the MO addiction once again I might finally start to heal

WOW. I didn't even notice. Half a year without porn was YESTERDAY!

It's high time to start actually rewiring.

PS. I feel much better about my ex. I think about her often, but with close to no emotion. And I'm not sure I'd welcome her or even want her in my life if she came back. The dark side of our relation finally starts to outweight the bright side. And it's a good thing.

Cheers!

 

[firstofall22]

hey Wabbajack,

i just read through your entire posts and it's amazing what you were going through. You can be really proud of yourself
and of what you have achieved. I wanna reach what you have reached, being able to make sex to my actual sexual motivation, not rapping.
I have porn, I hate it so much that I love it. But I want to quit, I know how it is to reboot and I don't wanna miss all the good feelings that
are coming with it.

I haven't had sex for a long time and not quite sure if I am still able to know how to satisfy a woman. In fact I don't have a lot of
experience, but I hope I will find a girlfriend soon who I will be able to love, so that sex won't be the main topic in the relationship.

Much energy and stride.

Bernie

 

[Wabbajack]

Thanks for kind words You're doing great, almost 90 days without MO, I've never did this for such a long time, not hard mode. For me it's no sex since the beginning of August, quite a lot of time. Fingers crossed, I have the Subway Girl tommorrow for an Irish coffee, who knows what will happen

I was a bit a bit anxious, yesterday I had a Tinder date, we kissed but there was not too much movement over there.

 

[zuzaman]

Hey,

relax about it. The movement will come when needed.

Enjoy your kiss instead of thinking about something else!

 

[Wabbajack]

That's the plan

Well, I had sex the other day. First some oral action when it was a bit difficult to get up after such a long time which brings an idea of a fap few hours before sex to my mind again. Anyway, after a bj and some time we started making out and I was rock hard, but then it faded. I used a cock ring, rather to keep the rubber in place than to maintain erection, but that was also an issue.

Few observations:

- The problem is still there
- Chaser effect kicked in the next day, fapped once.
- First contact with a woman after long time makes it hard for me to get up
- Sex without an emotional connection isn't even comparable to the sex with someone I love. Or at least like very much. No connection here and it was not as pleasant as I hoped. Either I should change my thinking or change my goals I remember sex with my previous girl, the first one. No love, but the quality of sex was amazing and it was great, but I value much, much more the pretty mediocre sex with my last girl, the one I called the Love of my life. Because I could end it with a passionate kiss and "I love you" afterwards and it was honest.
- The age difference was an issue, I just not... felt it, no vibe.
- I. Hate. Condoms.

 

[sempervirilis]

Hey Buddy - have you tried cutting M or MO out entirely? Haven't read your thread yet, but that's worked really well for others, and that's how I'm working through my reboot, so far working well.

 

[Wabbajack]

I try that currently, with some difficulties, as you can see I struggle with MO addiction, porn is no longer a problem, although PIED is still there. But I keep going. I believe at this point I should start rewiring but I don't have any women to rewire with. I need to change that.

 

[BunnyBoy2015]

Hi Wabbajack,

I agree that no MO would be a great way to see the last improvements you want. I am currently on 45 days no M and it has made a world of difference. It's worth making it a priority, I haven't read any journals where there was a successful reboot and MO. I took me awhile to see it as a priority but it is definitely worth it. If you can quit PMO you can quit M.

 

[Wabbajack]

Yeah, I know. Thanks for support guys. I really appreciate it.

Fucked up again. I feel like I need to start rewiring, but the very process of talking to girls, picking them up, flirting heavily is very triggering. This is what gets me everytime. Spiced up conversation, subtle dual meaning messages on Tinder, that stuff.

This is shit. I feel better when I do not do it and I feel crappy when I do. Why I keep letting my addiction control me even though I know it is wrong and I'd feel bad afterwards.

What can I do, stop talking to girls to cut off from triggers? This sounds like the opposite of rewiring. I need to find a way to battle those urges.

I need to start excercising. You guys have experience with that? I've been thinking about getting in shape for a while. Now I'd have even more reasons to do so...

 

[Wabbajack]

Just a few more hours and the first week of no MO will be finished. This day will be tricky though, I'm staying home all day. But yesterday I was chatting on Tinder and flirting heavily and talking about sex and I resisted the urge to give in. I try not to touch myself under no circumstances and it works, no more semi-edging and winding myself up.

It's something

 

[Wabbajack]

All is going good for now The "no touchy" policy is working wonders, I really recommend it to everyone addicted to MO. As one of the guys here told me:

Treat your dick like a loaded gun. First, you should play with it. Second, you can't just shoot randomly, it's a weapon!

I loved it, I think it's badass and ever since this really works Mental triggers, like Tinder have tremendous effect when I touch myself a little, like a tease. With this gone, last 3 days were a piece of cake

I feel like it could be another flatline, but who knows.

Yesterday I was at the club and felt a nice movement down there, when a girl was dancing really close to me. And there's a chance for sex on Wednesday, I'll see how it will work out

God, I need to get rid of this PIED... :/