bob
Respected Member
Traveled this past weekend. Was ready to act out and went into places that promote this type of behavior. Felt the same way the last time i went into a strip club. I paid my money, sat around thinking; why am I here? Didn't do anything. Might have but I didn't. Did the same thing on the return trip. Thought about it. Entered ready to act out. Didn't.
Not proud of this. It wasn't an accomplishment. I succeeded by default. Not a good way to go. Got to one point where I was looking for an ATM to get money that I typicality wouldn't spend. Ready to spend the big bucks... and I didn't. Glad but somehow I guess I wanted more of a feeling of success. Kind of stupid to even think this way.
Know I was playing with fire. Not the way to go. Not sure how to feel. Seem to be floating and trying to dock on an idea, concept or goal. Know where I should be headed. Just trying to turn around and move forward. Move forward in my mind as well as my heart. And, to be able to say that I rejected the opportunities. Not that they just didn't happen.
Rambling I know. Just sort of low.
Not proud of this. It wasn't an accomplishment. I succeeded by default. Not a good way to go. Got to one point where I was looking for an ATM to get money that I typicality wouldn't spend. Ready to spend the big bucks... and I didn't. Glad but somehow I guess I wanted more of a feeling of success. Kind of stupid to even think this way.
Know I was playing with fire. Not the way to go. Not sure how to feel. Seem to be floating and trying to dock on an idea, concept or goal. Know where I should be headed. Just trying to turn around and move forward. Move forward in my mind as well as my heart. And, to be able to say that I rejected the opportunities. Not that they just didn't happen.
Rambling I know. Just sort of low.