It ends here.

[Blondie]

Nice @downhillfromhere!

 

[GBS]

Awesome work @downhillfromhere - reading your string you seem very aware of feelings inside and outside influence. The more you stay aware of your influences, the greater the rewards. Keep going, mate.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate that and I needed it yesterday. Have had a bad couple of days, but I hope to feel better soon. In any case, it’s…

Day 30!

 

[Androg]

Sorry to hear things have been tough.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Thanks Androg. Feeling much better already, some days I get caught up in my own head. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I just have to focus on what’s in front of me and not dwell on things that aren’t meant to be!

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 31

Feeling some urges today actually, don’t even know why. Have to remind myself, do some reading or listen to a podcast about the subject or about addiction in general like I planned to do every weekend. Have been sick this week, starting to feel better but really feeling unmotivated and lazy. Procrastinating a lot, just on the couch with my phone all the time basically. I need to get out of that mode and start doing things I enjoy, and I’m going to start with walking my dog a couple of hours now!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 32

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 33

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 34

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 35

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 36

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 37

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 38

I’ve had some urges these past days. For some reason I went and looked at some cams a few days ago - I was quickly out of there, but I think it really messed with the thoughts I’m having. One thought is that I was fine just looking once, so what’s the big deal this time? I know better of course, so I keep telling myself I don’t want to do it.

I don’t need to do it, and it’s not something I want to do. It’s just going to lead me to another relapse, for no reason other than being pushed by the addiction towards doing something I don’t really feel like in the first place.

Whatever good or nice feeling I’m after is just an illusion, even if it might feel good in the moment I’m just going to bitterly regret it for days or weeks after. Like, when does it end? I can’t keep going back again and again and expect anything to change here. That’s why I’m recommitting myself to not looking, no matter what. It’s bad for me and I don’t want to look at it anymore.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 39

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 40

Lots of urges yesterday. Lost count of how many times my mind would go “why not have a little look?” I kept just saying to myself I’d better not, and that I don’t really want to. From moment to moment it worked, but I know I can’t keep it up this way. I have to remember to do some reading and to keep informing myself.

 

[strongfuture89]

Hey @downhillfromhere , I noticed you used Easypeasy 40 days ago. Did you reread it recently, because that really helps. If you think you don´t have enough time, this is a shorter alternative but with the same philosophy:
https://flying-eagle-method.org/

 

[Androg]

Day 40

Lots of urges yesterday. Lost count of how many times my mind would go “why not have a little look?” I kept just saying to myself I’d better not, and that I don’t really want to. From moment to moment it worked, but I know I can’t keep it up this way. I have to remember to do some reading and to keep informing myself.

Exercise helps too.

 

[Blondie]

Stay strong @downhillfromhere. Take it from me, it won't be fun.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Thanks guys, appreciate the support!

I actually listened to it @strongfuture89, but I might give this a go. Thanks!

@Androg , I will do just that today! Have been sick and had low energy for a couple weeks, but have to get back into working out a couple of times a week.

@Blondie , I believe you! Thanks for checking in.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 42