I am on my 3rd week now since my last relapse. In the last few weeks, I've really taken the opportunity to unplug from unhealthy friendships that were affecting me and my mental health. Since doing so, my urges to consume p of any kind have pretty much vanished. I learned that I struggled with self blame and every time I would think about a friendship that ended, or a friend that wasn't treating me well, my mind would go to p and the urge would begin to manifest. Then the cycle began and my anxiety got worse and worse because of both struggles. P became what I medicated myself with, but it never made me feel better, only so much worse mentally and emotionally. I would wake up with a headache and feeling drained all day because I stayed up until 3am looking for that perfect video that doesn't exist. My entire self worth hinged on my friends and that wasn't fair or healthy at all. On May 21, I relapsed and it felt like autopilot where I wasn't in control. Even when I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do, I still did it. After that, I saw the loop and the cycle that my mind and myself were both trapped in, and one day shortly after the relapse, I decided to finally stop reaching out to those people. The last 3 weeks, have been absolutely amazing and life giving. My mental health is improving by the day. I'm waking up better every morning and I no longer feel bad about myself, nor do I blame myself for the decisions of others. I no longer crave p, but i know that if I do that it's not the correct road to go down nor is it healthy. I do have an amazing friend, who has become my accountability partner and she truly is so so amazing. She actually wants to help me get better, and that makes me so happy. I have MO'd a handful of times since my last P relapse and I plan on stopping for a couple of months to let myself heal more. I've had no issues, just doing that to fantasy, which makes me happy and relieved. I know it's just 3 weeks, but I truly feel like I've turned a corner in my life and I am now on the road to where I want to be. Thank you all for your continued support. I'll be back soon with another update for you. Love you all.