Here is the thing. Nobody knew about how I truly felt. I could only talk about it when I was drunk and I've had several moments like that when I gave my parents details about what was going on. I told them about the bullying, the crippling social anxiety, the problems with alcohol. Isn't it ironic that, despise being drunk out of my mind, I could never bring myself, even in that state where I was completely "fearless", to tell them about my porn addiction? It's really crazy, man. But here is the thing, I thought time would heal me. My mom told me to get over it to stop thinking about it. Then why I am here? Why am I almost 32 and still addicted and still not done with it? Because I don't think that to some people "just forget it" is all they need. Let's look at what bullying can do to one person: You get beaten without having the strength to win against the bullies - It makes you think you are weak. It also brainwashes you into thinking you are an absolute failure good for nothing. The result: You have a 20 years old me who was absolutely sure I was a complete loser, good for nothing, that I was a mistake to be born, I had such a bad self-image that nobody could convince me otherwise at that age. If you came and said: "No, man, I've been watching you, you have all those qualities-" I would've cut you short and said: "I have no qualities, man! i am a failure, I can't do shit! I don't know how to do anything, what qualities?" That was how I saw myself. Every single day. Then you have a guy who is 30 and if he doesn't do something about it, he will feel 2 things: I am a complete loser and I'm weak. That's why I believe learning how to defend yourself is such a must for bullying victims. It addressed the "I am weak and hopeless against attacks" mentality. And we also need to do something about the self-image, how we see ourselves. Being bullied in childhood makes the inner world stay at the state of bricks. You don't proceed further to build your world. Now we need to finally take those bricks and build our inner world. A inner world were we are not failures piece of shit anymore. You can always see what you are good at, what qualities you have, what defects you have, what you can improve, and have a realistic expectation about life and what you can do and become. This means finding out who the fuck you are. But we don't need anymore to suffer like this. I am sad that so much of my life is gone like this. But I guess I can at least save it in my 30's.