I'm back. With my tail between my legs.
I have fallen badly. I got cocky and thought I had this beat.
Wrong.
First it was borderline material. From there I found access to my deepest urges. Fulfilled. Spent a month in a haze thanks to a one month subscription. When it ran out I ran to something else I know well... I won't go into details but it's been ugly. If the truth of my actions was known, I'd lose everything.
Along the way I lost close to two grand being blackmailed (I was very very stupid) and just yesterday chasing a dream that turned into an empty shell.
God. Reading it like that in front of me - it doesn't even sound like it was me living that life, that lie.
Maybe the only good news is that I've regained clarity and I am determined to get out of this darkness.
I'm not sure I'll be posting much just yet, but I'm not going back in the hole. I want to be better.
I've been on this forum for just over a year. For 10 months I did pretty well - better than I'd done in decades. Then I fell. So now I will do it again. I can't change the past, but I as sure as hell can control my actions going forward.